ain't no shame in being a fool.

so much to cover since last post.

well, for one, my dentist was not disappointed with my teeth. so, that's a plus. i have a small chip on my front left tooth and i asked about it and she replied "it's okay. for now, it just gives you character." thanks, doc.

last sunday night i ended up going to beale on broadway for their v.i.p. holiday party which was aaaaaaaawesome. lots of dancing and blues and drinks and oodles of fun with miss molly. i haven't seen st. louis city from that perspective in a long time and it felt great. i miss the adventure, the excitment, the bright lights on a cold night. and then, eat rite diner. which was not so good.

louisville: drove an hour and a half there, got sick, turned around and spent the next two days in bed with the flu. although it sounds awful, and it was for a while, i'm thinking it all happened for a reason. spent new years with close friends, eating fajitas, drinking martinis and staying up late.

new years day: full of being emotional and then a night at trainwreck saloon, which ended up being a trainwreck, leading to a much needed recovery. if you have more questions about this day and the two that proceeded it, you need to ask in person, because there is just way too much to cover in a blog. and considering that the only person who reads this blog, as of right now, i am having over for dinner tomorrow... well, that makes it simple.

summary of weekend:
friday - lots of crying, revisiting exboyfriends, more crying, slept with a pink stuffed bunny.
saturday - revolutionary conversations with my beautiful sister laura, cleaned my dad's house for three hours, drank wine with my dad, salad nicoise with mom & joe, went home and watched movie with my best mate, kate.
sunday - stayed in bed all. day. long. a trip to wally world, then coffee with ana lucasey and lots of discussions about god and boys and men and boys becoming men and everything. and more coffee.
so, it's monday morning, almost 1 a.m. and i'm about to share with my one woman audience, that i might be trading in my trademark cigarettes, jean skirt and whiskey for God. that's right. you heard me.

i see it this way: i've been walking around, aimlessly, for a long time.
and my feet are tired and sore. so, i'm trying on shoes and hoping a pair fits.
better to try on shoes then continue to walk around in the cold, purposeless. right? yes.
honestly, i have never in my life had so many people (strangers, old friends, new friends, relatives) contact me and set up plans. it's a-m-a-z-i-n-g. already, my week is booked with lovely visits, i have found hope for this next semester, and the time i used to spend crying on my bed is now spent writing or listening to good music or researching international volunteer work or being happy.

do i still feel sad? yes.
do i still miss him who shall not be named? definitely.
do i still have so many questions and worries and doubts? oh, yeah.

but there's time.

tomorrow: looking for a bible. my first bible. a bible that is beautiful and poetic and teaches me.

for now, starting to read a new book Blue Like Jazz. I'm purdy excited.

until next time,
here's to the possibility of change at any age.
and that i make it through the honeymoon phase of spirituality.

and p.s. i didn't smoke a single cigarette, today.