masters of fine arts in international badassery, sigma cum laude.

bad ass: (as defined by urban dictionary)someone who is so cool that their very presence is radiating with awesomeness.


lily emerson, a dear soul, once told me that she and a friend were enrolling in a certain "Bad Ass University" or B.A.U. because they wanted to be bad asses. this needed explanation, as i was surely stunned and questioned the entire philosophy.

she explained that being a bad ass does not entail being strong or drinking whiskey, it did not necessarily include leather jackets, motorcycles, impressive cheek bones or quippy-ness. it did, however, involve being awesome, which is what lily and her friend aspired to be: role models of cool, so to speak.

they would achieve graduating from B.A.U. doings things like:
being proactive.
focusing on their passions.
creating great and healthy relationships.
treating their bodies with care.
maintaining a positive outlook on life.
treasuring their happiness.

these things made them badasses because these traits embodied a great way of living, for example: "You can make sushi? Badass!" or "You rode your bike 20 miles? Badass!" (Insert high five or synchronized dance)*

...

i share this story because i always dream big and do little. my brain may not know how to do calculus or do scientific notation; but it can imagine and create. so, i've been thinking, with all this time left in my hands after i graduate, all this time, all this time to pay my bills and student loans and date and get a job...

and then, oh my god.
this time is my life.
i realized, suddenly - it's not measured time; it is my life.
and what time do i think i have to waste?
i could slip on a puddle on the way to class and wake up in a hospital four years later to a nurse explaining that i've been in a coma. it always seems like a silly little idea until that silly little idea happens to you.

a friend once explained this to me:
1. take an apple in your hand. what is it? an apple.
2. take a bite. is it still an apple? yes.
3. eat half the apple. is it still an apple? yes.
4. now, eat the entire apple. is it still an apple? no.

i always believed this to be true, until realizing the following fact.
while 1-3 are right; 4 is wrong. the apple is still an apple; it's just inside you, this time.

...

as i look at my life, i see many past adventures. i loved to explore as a kid, to be out and finding new nooks & crannies. to make something new from something old. to believe in where my legs could take me that a car could not.
and now, i find myself staring adventure in the eye, once more.

(are you ready? it's all going to come together ...now.)

i want to be an international badass because i've taken a few bites of my apple and it's still an apple and even though it's my apple; that doesn't mean God can't take it away at any. single. moment.

but i don't want to travel just for me.
sighting fireflies outside my window and following them towards the lake and into the woods as far as i could go for my own joy is one thing; catching them and sharing their light to bring others joy is quite another.

i want to do things. help people. teach. share.
yes, it was lovely to sit on a bench in italy at seventeen and eat gelato.
but i want to give something back, this time.
i don't believe i can save the world with theatre or cookies.
but i do believe i can be a badass, in the best way.

school starts tomorrow.

goodnight, moon.
and thanks for the light.