the fabulous destiny of ...

so, it's official.
i'm a hermit.

the girl that always had to see, do, be, become, play, drink, smoke, go go go, explore is ... well, writing to you. and not from a cafe or library, or sitting under a tree. i am in my very cozy little bedroom with lenny, my plant, for company. i am surrounded by things that make me happy. scarves and books; lamps and pictures; candles and the color green with marigold.

today was very eventful.
i woke up at ten and made coffee, ate granola and listened to music.
i read the news and wrote a little.
i did my dishes and cleaned my kitchen.
i read some magazines. the kind of reading when you're in the bathroom and then you realize an hour later, you should probably do something else and pull up your pants.
i did yoga and stretched.
then i attempted some of the workouts that was in a magazine, one of which included using weights ... i don't own weights. come on.
so, i used two heavy cans of beans.
(i have become very resourceful).
and as i listened to weezer and punched my black bean bearing fists through the air, i laughed. thinking, if someone saw me they would think i'm insane. but as i punched, i felt liberated, good about myself. so good, in fact, that i cleared out my entire closet and did pullups, hanging from the top shelf.
(go ahead and laugh, but when was the last time you did pullups? hmm.)
then, i had the notion to call my friend, Tamika Diggs, who is awesome, because she seemed to not be having such an awesome day. so, she came over and we had fajitas and talked about romance and drinking and understanding when a story of two people is really over, and when it is just an ;

after she left, i went to New Song church for their bible study: no one was there.
i suppose they're on a break for winter. i'll go again, next week.
then, jonathan goldstein, longtime good person and old friend came by.
and we talked for a few hours. and drank too much coffee. and talked about marriage, religion, love, sex, music, all things good. no, great.
and now, i'm writing... to you, whoever you might be.

i didn't do everything i wanted. but i did enough.
i had great conversation with two amazing people and did good by me and took a chance, even if there was no one there. and i wasn't sad, i didn't think my night was ruined because of it. because i knew that i always have my own company.

i have a sense of peace, now. and i like it, a lot.

for so long, i feared being alone. i feared what it would be like to take care of my own time and how i would fill it, or more importantly how would i fill it? as if my plans aren't enough. as if me, in a room, alone with my thoughts are an awful way to spend time.

.

spent a while thinking about soulmates today and talking to Tamika about it.
1. i always thought i have to have a soulmate, without whom; i would be incomplete. this means the other half of my soul, the other missing shoe to a pair.
2. that means that i think i'm incomplete and i need someone else to fill that; but i don't.
3. therefore, i don't need a soulmate.
4. therefore, i am complete, alone.
5. therefore, i rule.

so, today's lesson: i rule and i can bake my cake and eat it too. and if you don't like my cake, i could deck you in the face and knock you out with one punch. but i would never do that because it's okay to have opinions because you don't need to think like me, because you're not my better half, because soul mates don't exist. so, let's be friends, y'all!

amen & goodnight.